Individuality within a relationship is possible, but only when based on a secure relationship. When couples come to therapy, they often differ on many issues, but those details tend to fall away when the original bond between the couple is restored.
I focus on the intimacy of the couple, mostly as it pertains to feeling connected, appreciated, safe. The daily life of the couple, and of each of the people in the couple, is enhanced when both feel like the other has his or her back. When issues of concern come up, or when either feels stressed by some problem or worry, each being able to go to the other to have confidence restored is a wonderful buffer that we can offer each other.
I work with couples to explore their unspoken reasons for not feelings fully safe with each other. I have been trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy, which is, at the moment, the only couples therapy to be scientifically verified as successful. Couples find great relief when they discover their own needs being addressed, and, as a stable connection between them is reestablished, that many other smaller issues resolve themselves.
Sex Therapy (see blog)
I am a Certified Clinical Sexologist with the American College of Sexology.
Although sexuality is central to relationships, it is not just an emotional phenomenon. Sometimes it requires focused attention. I have training that is specifically for sexuality that I can draw from when needed. I offer this talk therapy to couples and individuals.
Some of the reasons people seek sex therapy are about relational intimacy, and others are personal. The most common reasons why people seek therapy as individuals is for Erectile Dysfuncion (ED for men) and Low Desire (low libido for women).
The nerves and chemicals that stimulate erections could be both psychological and physical. Early conversations in the therapy session will locate the origin of the difficulty and outline the options for treatment. Therapy might include a visit to a urologist, but often is a matter that can be resolved with talk therapy. Stress (family, job, financial), concerns about performance in the bedroom, depression, or medications are some of the common reasons for ED.
-Low Libido in Women
Men can also have low libido, but more commonly this is a problem that women face, and for which they seek therapy. I write about it here to encourage people to contact me because there are useful conversations to be had about this often complex issue.
Individual women’s physical and emotional health could combine to create low libido. A discussion in the therapy session will open up the sexual history, the emotional struggles, the social assumptions, and more, to create a treatment plan for me and my client. Some 40 percent of women experience this in some period in their lives. The main symptom is lack of interest in sex. Because every woman is different, this might not be of concern to everyone. Sometimes a woman’s partner is frustrated by her low libido, but this is not always unresolvable. Some of the sessions might involve the lover to establish his or her interest in sexual activity. Most of the clients who come to me with “low libido” feel relief due to therapy.
Women, historically, have confided in each other, addressing all kinds of family and relational issues. Men are much less likely to discuss these topics, especially in today’s western culture. The group “About Desire” is a forum for men to talk about being a man, relationships, and the phenomenon of desire as it moves through the mind and heart.
This is intentionally not a therapy group. There is no pressure to deal with emotions or growth. This allows emotions to arise organically and come into the world in a new way. The group’s guiding principle is respect for nature, and for masculinity. Its operating instructions are to explore. It is bounded by the rules of confidentiality.